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Taking Back Father’s Day

by Tim Adams ~ June 16th, 2008

We American Christians are a strange breed.

Every year at Christmas time some from our tribe, even some of our nationally known leaders, get upset because they seem to think Christmas is being taken away from us.

According to some, using the greeting “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” is a sign of the moral collapse of America. The absence of a nativity scene in front of City Hall is interpreted as a sign of persecution – even if the church next to City Hall has a nativity scene with a live Baby Jesus.

I’m suspicious of these annual campaigns to take back Christmas. Like a secular political campaign, they appeal to our irrational fears. And one of the easiest ways to get someone to reach for their wallet is to make them think there’s something or someone to be afraid of. People will send money to preachers and politicians if they think it will make the fear go away.

Just as retail sales make a huge spike each year from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so does the giving to many ministries that create an annual fear fest over the supposedly soon-to-be lost freedom of American Christians.

Personally, I’m not concerned about Christmas. While I do believe America is in a state of moral decline, I don’t buy the idea that if the school choir at my kids’ elementary school doesn’t sing Joy to the World at the PTA meeting just before the “Winter Break” that our religious freedom is somehow threatened.

If Christians in America really want to get upset about a holiday being taken away, may I suggest that we take it to the streets because of the fact that millions of households across America have done away with the celebration of Father’s Day.

The demise of Father’s Day didn’t happen as the result of a vast left-wing conspiracy. Neither the ACLU nor the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals have conspired to topple this once sacred day.

We’ve done it to ourselves.

37% of all US children born are born to single moms
60% of all US children will reach their 18th birthday without their biological parents still married
85% of those kids from broken homes will not live with their fathers
70% of African-American children are born out of wedlock
50% of Hispanic children are born out of wedlock
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes
80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes
24.7 million US children live absent of their biological father

The city where I live, San Antonio, TX, leads the nation in girls between the ages of 13 and 17 giving birth. Citywide, we’re over twice the national average for out of wedlock births and in some zip codes we’re three to four times the national average.

But, I have to ask, where is the outrage? How is it that a snowman replacing a nativity scene gets more Christians upset than the fact that there are more African-American men in prison than there are in college and 90% of those incarcerated grew up in a fatherless household?

Fatherless children have a higher probability of infant mortality, premature births, low birth weight, learning disabilities, behavior problems, emotional problems, not finishing high school, drug and alcohol abuse, incarceration, living in subsidized housing and having children out of wedlock – which perpetuates the cycle for yet another generation.

That’s why there are over 40 directives given in scripture regarding the special care and protection for the fatherless. God understands that a fatherless child is at risk in ways that other children aren’t. But most of the words of scripture that instruct us to care for the fatherless were written with the idea that children without fathers would be the rare exception, not the norm that it is for millions of US children. According to scripture, rampant fatherlessness is a sign that society is on the brink of chaos (Exodus 22:24; Lamentations 5:3).

We’re in the midst of a downward spiral, a pandemic of fatherlessness that threatens the social fabric. We’re getting ready to reap the whirlwind and we won’t even know what hit us.

All children who grow up without dads do so with deficits – dad-shaped holes that only a father can fill - but boys are especially impacted by fatherlessness.

In his book To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing up Without a Father, Donald Miller offers this insight on what it feels like to grow up without a dad:

Because I didn’t have a father, I felt there was a club of men I didn’t belong to. I would have never admitted it at the time, but I wanted to belong … I couldn’t have put words to it back then, but I felt it … I felt as though all the men in the world secretly met in a warehouse late at night to talk about man things, to have secret handshakes, to discuss how to throw a football or a baseball, how to catch a fish and know what kind it was … how to look a woman in the eye and tell her she was your woman and that she looks good in that dress and make it so your eyes say you love her but you could survive without her, and how to drive a stick-shift truck without grinding the gears. And then I secretly believed at the end of the meeting they gathered around and reminded each other that under no circumstances was anyone to tell me about these things.

Take Miller’s words to heart, because there are millions of boys all over our country who feel exactly the same way but won’t choose to articulate those feelings with words. In stead, they’ll be acting out in ways that will be destructive to themselves and society.

It’s time for the church of Jesus Christ to admit that we’ve taken our eye off the ball. We’ve allowed ourselves to be distracted by the zero sum game of the culture wars and the culture is going to hell as a result.

It’s time to take back Father’s Day.

If you’d like to find a place to start, here are five links:

Donald Miller’s Belmont Foundation “seeks to effectively respond to the crisis of fatherlessness by equipping the faith community to provide life long, trust based mentoring relationships with young men in an effort to affect long-term change.”

Big Brothers and Big Sisters is the oldest and largest youth mentoring program in the United States.

Mike Arnold’s Cross Trail Outfitters is doing great work leading boys to Christ and manhood.

Young Lives is a ministry of Young Life that focuses on mentoring teenage moms.

Agape Pregnancy Center and The Pregancy Care Center both provide care and guidance to teenage moms.

2 Responses to Taking Back Father’s Day

  1. Jen Moore

    Thanks, Tim!

    My own godson is being raised by his single mom, and so I’m definitely going to check out those links. I think it’s interesting that Texas leads the nation in both teen-pregnancy and abstinence-only sex education. Hmmmmm…. Coincidence??

    Jen

  2. Administrator

    Thanks, Jen. Single moms have an incredible challenge - but I know many that are doing an amazing job wearing two hats. Blessings to the mother of your godchild. Your statement about the contradiction between abstinence-only sex ed and the high teenage pregnancy rates here in Texas reminds me how, as Jim Wallis would say, “the right gets it wrong and the left doesn’t get it.” I think the people who have been such vocal advocates for abstinence-only sex ed are well intentioned, but, in the end, there is no magic wand for these kinds of problems. If families can’t be impacted in a holistic way it’s almost always a case of two steps forward, three steps back. Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment.

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